I remember the night before going back to work from my maternity leave with Ruby. Ugh, those emotions still feel so fresh...The days and weeks leading up to it, I couldn't even talk about it with getting choked up.
We did have a daycare set-up that was more than ideal though. Ruby spent all that time I was working with her Aunt, her Grandma, or her Great-Grandma. It was always reassuring to know that she was with people that loved her like one of their own, but still, it broke my heart not being the one taking care of her.
Sunday nights were the worst. I'd have that sinking feeling in my gut just thinking about another week of only being with her for a few short hours each day. I think our gut can tell us a lot of things. I think mine was telling me that I was not operating in the role that I was designed to do.
I know not everybody feels this way. I know not everyone who wants to stay home with their kids is able to. People need to make decisions that are best for their family, so I'm not out to judge anyone here.
I read a blog post this week called, "You're a stay-at-home-mom? What do you do all day?" The title may be humorous, but it actually brought up some beautiful points about stay-at-home-mom"ing".
"These women are doing something beautiful and complicated and challenging and terrifying and painful and joyous and essential. Whatever they are doing, they ARE something, and our civilization DEPENDS on them it well. Who else can say such a thing? What other job carries with it such consequences?"
I'm not sure what I set out to achieve when I started writing this post. But tonight, this Sunday night, I am not feeling that sense of dread if I were to be going back to work in the morning. Instead, I feel grateful. I feel happy. My new role is certainly not easy, but I wouldn't want it any other way.